AGES ago - on Channel Nine

That was in Tanah Lot. I went over there to visit the sunset yesterday. That was quite nice actually. Sitting down in the sofa now. It's already July everyone! Isn't that quick! Fuck, I'm really surprised just how fast everything's gone, time isn't as patient and slow-moving as the clouds you see up in the sky. It's alot more quicker, like flight. Today I woke up quite and immediately swam my thirty laps. I really like this whole swimming routine, and I reckon swimming' good for you, right? I think so. I don't know what it does but - all I know is, I feel good after. Maybe it's the endorphins. Don't endorphins..make you happy?

I watched three episodes of Six Feet Under and Wall-E yesterday. I slept at around half past three in the morning, and you know what - I prayed! Yeah, I prayed Isha, like, probably an hour or two before I had to pray subuh. Well, it didn't matter - I wanted to pray 'cause I haven't prayed for a long time, since I left to Bali. It's like that to me. I feel abit guilty when I don't pray - because usually when I do, good things start to happen. Call it the official insurance of the metaphysical, the afterwards. Praying just makes you feel like everything's looked after, peace of mind.

Have you ever watched Six Feet Under? I've been a long fan of it - but I've never really watched the series in its entirety, let alone a season. What really pulled me to the show was when I watched it one night, long long like - AGES ago - on Channel Nine I think, and I saw the opening titles of the series.
It looked absolutely breath-taking. Seriously, it' amazing, the amount of detail and the imagery and just - how everything seemed like an array of different images, which all created this line towards death. You all should see it, YouTube it or something I think they have it there. It's amazing. AND the music - "opening theme by Thomas Newman". I so knew it, you could tell it came from his genius. The percussion, the oboe.

Anyway - yesterday I bought myself a copy of their first season, which was like - way back in 2001. I've only watched three episodes and it's great. I wanna see it all. I wanna see the entire five-season series!! Alan Ball is fuckin' awesome too. He created the series and just - the whole concept of it you know. I wish I could do that. I wanna write the way he writes. The way he blurs the real and the unreal, the dead and the living, I wanna do that.

Wish I could be good at writing. Guess I'll have to learn. I'll start with this.

Yes yeah we're moving on, moving right along

I think everyone should listen to Lior's This Old Love. I wanna put the lyrics here - it's got abit of presence now, especially this time of day.

Yes, yeah we're movin' on
Looking for direction
Mmm mm we've covered much ground
Thinking back to innocence
I can no longer connect
I don' t have a heart left to throw around

I'm stil in Bali, it's already been the second. This morning I woke up and straight away went to the pool and did thirty laps. I'm quite proud of myself actually, it's an achivement. I seriously haven't done any exercise in like YONKS! I'm inside my room, sharing with four little juniors. They're all playing Mortal Kombat, trying out the fatalities, seeing different ways to kill each other.

Oh, and time moves on like a train
That disappears into the night sky
Yeah, I still get a sad feeling inside to see the red tail lights wave goodbye

Yesterday I did quite alot. In the afternoon I went with Majma to Pasar Seni Sukawati. They were selling all sorts. I actually only wanted to buy gifts. I've got a long list, and most of them are girls. There's the AFS crew, peepz from school and let's not forget my three cousins. Yesterday I bought the gifts for my AFS friends, sarung bali. They look nice, but God I hope they like it. I then bought myself some shirts (wearing bali shirts for Uni...would that be considered illegal. Meh, I fuck that) and some bags too. It's small and batik - I love it.

We'll grow old together
We'll grow old together
And this love will never
This old love will never die

But last night Majma, Sadra and I went over to Jazz Cafe, had some drinks and relaxed whilst the band played some acid Jazz (Jamiroquai to be exact). It was nice, I wouldn't mind coming back there again. But I kept on thinking about other things, my mind wasn't staying still, kept on going 'round places, imagining the Aussie landscape, trying to feel the Hyde Park breeze. Yeah, I was thinking of Australia. We all were thinking about it actually, but - I think to me, everything that is Australia, ultimately becomes this beautiful picture you watch over your binoculars. Haha, oh no - here I am again, rambling on over nonsense. The Balinese landscape have a way of making you feel so drugged up that anything that speaks out of your mouth, whilst incorrect and abstract, there's some authenticity to it. There's always some truth in everything, even in lies.

Morning comes
Sometimes with a smile
Sometimes with a frown
Yeah so I never want to worry
If you're gonna stay around

Today I want to hear from my friends again. If you're reading this and you're from Australia, please, - give me a shout. I become fatigued with silence sometimes, I guess that's what you get when you write letters but rarely get replies. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But I guess they're all busy, which is true - They've got something to wake up for, I haven't.

I think I remember writing this to Isrien one time about the act of lettering, you really need both sides to complete the movement. Balance, right Isrien? I miss William, I miss the way his presence gives so much sense and rationality, he doesn't need to speak, just give one of five looks and suddenly you can move forward now. I actually tried to call him randomly one time but he didn't pick up, obviously God was telling me "No. No Pigar. Not today". Bloody hell. But I wanna call him, I need his new-age, scientific wisdom. Hopefully I can see Olle soon. Want him to take me out, get me numb. Oh and everyone should congratulate Larry on his newfound love. Oh, it's about time really - he deserves a great girl.

Yes, yeah we're movin' on
Movin' right along

Blogger Notes

So, I knew that I didn't get to blog so I wrote on my mobile instead. Here it is - Now that I look back on them, gosh, so much can be thought in such a short time.

Blog Update #1

This is the first night. Something tells me that by the end of th ten-day trip, I'll learn somethiing new. Become someone different. This to me, all feels like a test. Something's trying to break me down, i can feel it around the corner. I think i'm creating my own challenge. I hope I can get to see Olle.

Blog Update #2

Well. At a pitstop. I just had some food. I need to eat quite alot so I stay fit and healthy. But I'm starting to feel better now. The bus right isn't even halfway yet. This is definitely something new to experience. Won't know when I'll be able to post this -
Hope you're all okay. I just got an idea for the serial, I think someone should die, from a motor bike accident, someone everybody loves to watch.

Blog Update #3

We've past Yogja now. I really hope I can have fun in Bali. I actually wanna relax there too u know. Read a book against the warm sun or something, I don't really wanna go touristy and travel around. So, relax by day, party hard by night. That'll be a good idea' don't you think? I kinda hope I don't get forced to go around or something like that. I have to - I absolutely HAVE to go and visit Olle no matter what.

Blog Update #4

I talked to Zain for almost half an hour just then. It's a waste to talk about him. That's it. Leave it. I'm gonna start running, running to a new face. I want her now.


Okay. My phone's gonna die so I might as well write now. It's almost to an end.We're gonna go to the ferry and then..another 3 more hours. Did i tell you - hmm.. Last night i was like really worked up on going after her. But i don't want that anymore..it slowly died out. But I know one thing, I am gonna have fun - and wait. I'll always wait. Okay, seriously this is what I'm gonna do. First, Mandi. Charge Mobile. Finish my Book!! That'll be my goal for today. There's a swimming pool in front of the bungalow apparently, so I might do that too.

The Morning Blues

Morning everyone. Today I was actually meant to go to Jakarta with my dad but, I woke up too late. I woke up just an hour ago, nine in the morn. Angus and Julia's playing, what a relaxing duo. I'm feeling quite bored today, I just asked Didit and Yeyen and Febri to have lunch together somewhere. Oh that's right, today I should be packing for tommorow. I'm heading over to Bandung tommorow and then the next day to Bali. I'm excited, it'll be a nice vacation, another layer inside this long holiday of mine.

Yesterday I had dinner at the D'Leuit restaurant. I like that, I like how now, I can just spend time with my family just like that, in an instant. It feels good to have them on call. But I had an awful night last night though, terrible. You read that last entry - I just felt really weird. I felt behind it all, taking in the expelled air everyone's breathed before. I'm sitting down right here - for the past five or so months. I haven't learned anything new. And I hate that, because - I don't feel like I've gotten any older.

But I'm probably over-thinking, right? Yeah, I reckon I am. Though with excessive thinking, you have to admit, there is some authenticity there. Probably. Not sure, but who knows. I guess that's what I need to do. Learn something new - I just have this scary thought that when I meet my friends from Australia again, they'll all have these massive blocks of stories to tell me, and I won't have any, not a single paragraph. I wish I was as great as they are right now. -

I've already written a letter to Larry and Isrien. Now onto Emma and her family. I actually wanna send one to Fariz and Zain too, just to say hello. Hope they're alright, hope everyone's alright. They're all probably enjoying the calm silence of no Pigar. I really do make places loud.

Bacon Out.

"Except for me."

Before I go to sleep, can I just say this. As I'm watching everyone move about, time runs through them. They've all grown up and turned into so much more. Except for me. I haven't changed one bit, I don't feel like I'm getting any older and taller like the rest of them. I think I'm still the same person as I was, seven months ago. That's bad, isn't it?

Ben and Macy Watch

(Click. Sound Effects: The cold windy air, birds flying by welcoming the two brokenhearts. A faint but inaudible piece of music is heard from afar. Ben and Macy are watching their love from a far away distance. From point A to B, they're all watching him move about. Put on his shoes. Fall down. Stop and think. Their distance covers their desperate presence, though this is indefinitely unclear.)

Macy: Look! There he is - wait, is that him? I'm sure that's him. He sure looks different though. More taller, his feet's more sustained on the good ground. But his head's more high, no false frowns or unhappy downs. He - he looks happy.

Ben: Well of course he's happy.

Macy: How sad.

Ben: Ironic isn't? Like polar opposites, this glamourous tennis court where one's green isn't as green as the other. His green against our green, what's the difference?

Macy: Well - for one thing this place is muddy. Look at his - It's like Beethoven's "Pastorale"; green grass, new blue skies, not a strange in sight. I wish I was there with him.

Ben: Do you think he knows we're watching?

Macy: Who knows. Hey - Maybe he's watching us?

Ben: That's silly. I think he knows Macy.

Macy: I don't care. Once I come back -

Ben: I don't think we'd be welcome.

Macy: You never know Ben. He might say hello to us again.

Ben: I doubt it.

Macy: What makes you so sure of yourself?

Ben: Macy. He played us two. Said "No" to you and "Yes" to me. This all feels like one sick and useless battle of unfinished business.

Macy: Forgive and forget Ben.

Ben: No. No - I can't. I've tried Macy. You know happens to me before I sleep? I start to think. About popcorn, and then present events, and then - somehow through the sensitive metaphysical fabrics of the human rationale - I think about him. And then I wake up. I imagine: of me meeting him again, saying hello again, hearing his voice again, listening to his colourful wit. It never stops Ben. My race of thought continues to race, and my feet goes along with it, walking, walking, walking like I'm imagining myself on the move. And so I imagine, and reminisce, creating this dot-painting of everything we've shared. Places, faces, talking about braces. I've had enough. I'm sick of looking at his photos and his letters, knowing that everything is all temporary.

Macy: Well of course it's temporary. They're photos Ben, what do you expect?

Ben: Anything but the ill-feeling nausea of self-contemplation. All it does is capture one moment, one single moment in the vast continuum of time that - there's no point in keeping these silly illusions. They'll only make you blind and faithful. No. I can't be bothered looking at him from far away.

Macy: Oh Ben look! He's going somewhere - past the street, wearing his shiny white shoes - I think he's rolling up against a hill.

Ben: Are you even sure that's him?

Macy: Of course. Yes. Maybe. I think so.

Ben: I'm going. I don't wanna watch anymore. I've had enough Macy, I'm gonna start running now. Run after her.

Macy: Why? wait - BEN!

(Ben runs off. Macy's alone, stil holding her binoculars tight and warm)

Macy: I don't care. I don't care Ben. If it's gonna hurt me in order to keep on going, I don't care. I'll keep wearing my binoculars, I'll keep watching from afar. It'll be okay. I'll come back. I'll say hello. I'll give him a hug, I don't care. But I understand though, he's got his own friends, I've got mine, Ben's got his. Its inevitable for us to move apart, that's just how life goes. But no matter how far I am, or how hurt I feel, I don't care. All I care about is him.

(Macy listens to the faint tune. She remembers the name)

Macy: "Summer In The City". Regina Spektor. "I start to miss ya, baby sometimes."

(Macy continues to watch. Click.)

Country Road Stripes

So that's what I bought just then. There was this midnight sale happening at Plaza Ekalokasari. And they were having these discounts all around the plaza for three special hours between nine 'til midnight. My cousins actually asked me to come, and so I did, and I brought my parents along. I really love the new pair of chucks, they sure remind me of Country Road, I have no idea why. I think it's got something to do with the strokes, those thin expensive stripes you see on Road attire. I like the cardigan's colour, and that white shirt seriously feels great on you. The two CDs are albums from the two bands that I watched yesterday: Twenty FIrst NIght and Maliz N D'essential. I only just listened to the Nights one, turned it on whilst I was taking a shower. I like their jazz/funk feel. You should go check it out, they've got an awesome CD cover too!

I wanted to go shopping to buy new stuff for uni. Yeah, which means - it's coming soon, right? right? Well, it's not really. September's still quite far - but it's already coming into July. Then August. And then - September. So I guess it is coming soon. I'm feeling quite nervous actually. I haven't even found a place yet to stay in Jakarta!

Today all I did was stay at home, write in my journal, twitter, write that short commemorative play on Michael Jackson. Zain and Isrien liked it. That was quite surprising. I actually wanna write more letters, to Larry, Emma and her family. Guess I'll do that tommorow.

I haven't told you about the concert eh? Well -

It was okay. Not too bad. Though I can say that Indonesian concerts are poorly organised. I mean - we rocked up at around seven, and the main performance, Maliq - they didn't start showing up til around ten. And what was in between? Supporting bands, all clogged up in three hours, some played two, others played seven. I'll be honest, some were good. Like Twenty First Night. This band called Music Men had a sax, which reminded my of Allan. You what else reminds me of him, Adrien Brody. I swear they're alike. There was this really cool guitarist from this band called Microwave. That doesn't make any sense. But I just got peeved at how late the main performance came. Though the whole experience hasn't turned me off Indonesian concerts, I can only give my optimistic faith that maybe next time it won't be as dragging.

I'm heading off to Bali next week. That'll be fun. Does that mean I won't be able to blog? Hmm..I wish you could blog from a mobile phone. Is that possible? I know I can tweet easily, everyone's right, Twitter's addictive. No wonder John Mayer's so hooked into it. I'll take pictures and I'll show 'em to ya. I gotta take pics for Katherine too.

So, Today was a good day. Let's hope tommorow's gonna be the same yeah? Oh, to close this - I'll put up the note I wrote in like the middle of the concert. I was below air-conditioning, that felt really nice.

Music to Buy & Listen
Microwave. Music Men. Twenty First Nights.

I'm still at the concert. It's around quarter to 11. Australia, and the world, Don't trust Indonesian Concerts. They're not very good. Just the organisation..it's very bad. I mean. It started at seven. It's now half past ten, almost eleven. There's...dancing..some bands played too much. And there's dancing..no wonder people look down on them. They have no place to present their skills. I mean, i understand they're all creations, but there's a time and place for everything, and dancing - i'm sorry, just isn't in a concert. I feel for them actually. no wonder it's looked down upon. Now i realise, when i'm organising a concert, only one support band, then our performance. No corruption. especially no dancing. i'll make up another showcase for that. I wonder who did the choreography..? Hmm, most of the dancers don't even know their steps. Hmm, never put a dance in a concert. NEVER! Ahh, i still feel like writing. The dance is still on. People are gonna push for the front. i'm standing right under AC, though i'm not at the front. I don't care. Hmm.. Lets hope Maliq FINALLY arrives now. This is just stupid. Anyway, today i realised my millon's already -


Ahhh they're here!!!! :D finally eh. They better be good.

Bacon Out. Hope you all have a good day. Keep smiling. Stop whining.